Next, let’s talk about how we respond to an adult who is reasoning at a grade-school or teenager cognitive level, thereby reacting to our differences in opinion or purpose.

First, let’s offer respect and have compassion. Consider how uncomfortable it must be for that individual to be in an adult body yet still be stuck at that level of reasoning. Right, the individual is likely stuck and feels uncomfortable within himself or herself, even if it is not showing up in the moment. It is likely the individual desires to break out of this immaturity but does not know how.

Isn’t that exactly what happens with real-life grade-school aged children or teenagers? The grade-schooler wants to break out of life as a grade schooler to have the perceived privileges of a teenager. The teenager wants the perceived freedoms of adulthood.

As a next step, offer the person a chance to grow. Listen, reflect back, and then share your opinion in a respectful and kind manner. Try not to be defensive because grade-schoolers and teenagers can react to defensiveness. Just express yourself in a calm yet potentially passionate manner. Watch what happens. Is this person able to consider an opinion that is different from their own? If so, you are offering this person a gift, the chance to grow through the opportunity of seeing another way of thinking. If the person is not interested in seeing an alternative view, then this individual is making a small choice in the moment to remain stuck. Considering an alternative perspective in addition to our own is what helps us to mature into a deeper level of reasoning ability to deal with more complex issues.

When we run into “stuck-ness,” it is best to name what it is (immature reasoning), and not react to it. Your boundary or consequence with the individual is that you can go no deeper in the conversation or even relationship unless the person is able to acknowledge and give credence to your opinion and perspective as well as their own.

If someone is solely focused on their own perspective being the only view, then it is going to be difficult to have an open, healthy conversation where you both can learn from one another and potentially resolve a more complex issue.

What we need today is a level of cognitive and emotional reasoning ability that can hold multiple perspectives together in an integrated way. In other words, those individuals who can consider multiple truths or realities at one time will likely be more able to lead us toward finding creative solutions to today’s complex problems.

This is why and where we need the other 50% of our adult population to show up, speak up and remain engaged! The other (approximately) 50% of adults today are able to reason with logic, emotion and a level of self-control so that respectful dialogue and disagreement can take place for learning, growth and making positive change together.

As an expert in leadership, teams and organization health, the course toward making change quickly yet in a way that will stick is through respectful dialogue, disagreement, and creative problem solving. Screaming, using hate speech, degrading and abusing others, rioting, and destroying property don’t help to resolve complex problems; those behaviors only make things worse and set us back. Those behaviors reveal someone’s maturity level, at that of a grade-schooler or teenager, even though the behaviors come from people in adult bodies. See the behavior for what it is, immature reasoning.

Do adults who behave immaturely still have a voice, yes. Are these adults capable of solving today’s complex problems, no.

I am an advocate for all voices to have a chance to express themselves. At the same time, I am going to quickly assess the level of reasoning that I hear from each voice: is it grade-school or teenage or adult level reasoning? While I will listen respectfully to the first two voices, it is those with adult level reasoning that I will engage in resolving today’s complex issues.

Each of us has a choice to make in how we think/speak, who we listen to, what we act upon, and how we behave. God helps us to make wise and mature choices.

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

Friends and Colleagues,

Can I help you understand why 1 out of 2 people will reject you for having a different opinion today? Can I help you consider why those that reject you may get downright nasty about it?

It is an understatement to say that there is so much going on in the world. At the same time, not everyone has the ability to think deeply enough to be on the solution side of resolving today’s complex problems. While everyone’s voice is important, not everyone will be able to help to resolve today’s complex problems.

Here is a theory that is going to change your life and hopefully the way you relate to others. I hope this information will also support you in standing up for our American freedoms today and share your voice in a peaceful and respectful way, while not allowing others to bulldoze you:

Human development theory, according to Robert Kegan (The Evolving Self), claims this:

• Almost 50% of adults are operating from a grade-school or teenage level of reasoning ability
• Almost 50% of adults are operating from an adult level of reasoning ability

Please let me offer how this impacts the voices in America today.

Those approximately 25% of adults who are in adult bodies yet functioning within a grade-school level of reasoning and emotional maturity see things in a black and white manner. That means that situations are either this way or that way, right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative, etc. This plays out today when people use grade-school reasoning to see their opinion as right and your opinion as wrong. Either you agree or you are accused of _________. Fill in your blank with the negative term that has been used to describe you for having a different opinion. These adults are still reasoning at a grade-school level.

Adults who are still reasoning at the grade school level may have good information and be quite smart, but they have not reached a level of maturity where they can hold multiple concepts, even concepts that may be polar opposite, together. Growth at this reasoning level would be to consider multiple perspectives at one time in order to think more deeply. These individuals only have room in their minds for their own opinion and are not able to consider another view, or your opinion. So that is why you get the reaction.

Then there are the approximately 25% of adults who are in adult bodies yet functioning within a teenage level of reasoning and emotional maturity so they resist and rebel against authority or perceived authority as many teenagers do. That means that situations that require deferring to leadership, management, peers or others out of the interests of meeting the needs of the greater good will be resisted. This plays out today when people use teenage level reasoning to see all or most authority as wrong, abusive, out to get them, etc. Either you join them in the rebellion or you are accused of _________. Fill in your blank with the negative term that has been used for disagreeing with teenage level reasoning today.

Adults who are still reasoning at the teenager level may offer excellent points and be intelligent, but they have not reached a level of maturity where they can work through their strong emotions in the moment in order to reason and consider an alternative view. Their emotions keep them locked in to seeing only their side of the situation. Growth at this reasoning level would come with being able to control one’s thoughts, feelings and own will in order to engage with others in a peaceful way to learn, grow and expand one’s view. However, individuals get stuck at this reasoning level due to their lack of self-control and self-discipline.

Those of you reading this post who are parents, consider what it is like raising a grade-schooler or a teenager and think about how you can apply this understanding to half of our adult population.

This is not a judgement nor intended to look down on anyone or raise anyone over another person; this is a statement of fact. Therefore, as you consider the voices today, listen not only to what is being said but the tone of how it is being said to see if you can pick up on the maturity level of the individual.

Voice is power. All people are valuable and ought to be respected. All voices should be respectfully heard. But not all voices are reasonable and can be reasoned with. As you know grade-schoolers and teenagers have good ideas and their voices should be heard, but most of them don’t have the higher level of reasoning ability needed to collaborate to solve complex problems. Their black and white or rebellious thinking holds them back from being able to reason within a “grey” and complex world.

Let’s take a pause here. As you consider the voices around you, what level of reasoning ability are you at? What reasoning level are you seeing around you? Think about and observe this dynamic over the next week. Let’s have peaceful and respectful discussions, not one that demeans or disrespects others. Then let’s take our thinking deeper next week. Same time, same station.

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

Soul Leaders (not Sole or Solo Leaders)

By Dr. Jeanine Parolini

Deep within each loved one lives the life of His soul

Each one is precious, each one is few

Discovery of their soul is His journey for you

Each one has gifts, talents, and type

Each one is precious in his sight

Find their uniqueness and call it out

Help them become rather than run about

Where many are gathered, He is there

The soul of the group is the way of the future

But each precious one needs great nurture

Those that gather together have many choices

One may lead down or many may have voices

Beware great leaders how you choose

Stifle the soul and you will lose

Call out the souls of many, inside and out

Call out the hearts so there may be dancing about

Call out the minds so wholeness starts

Let not your workers be divided in parts

Teach them to dance, great leaders

Care for those that have been entrusted to you

Lead and love so they will be known

Let not your agenda be your own

One that follows this ancient wisdom will not do as she pleases,

Instead he will lead like our great leader Jesus.

Question for discussion: How does this impact the way you will lead in your future?

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini