Next, let’s talk about how we respond to an adult who is reasoning at a grade-school or teenager cognitive level, thereby reacting to our differences in opinion or purpose.

First, let’s offer respect and have compassion. Consider how uncomfortable it must be for that individual to be in an adult body yet still be stuck at that level of reasoning. Right, the individual is likely stuck and feels uncomfortable within himself or herself, even if it is not showing up in the moment. It is likely the individual desires to break out of this immaturity but does not know how.

Isn’t that exactly what happens with real-life grade-school aged children or teenagers? The grade-schooler wants to break out of life as a grade schooler to have the perceived privileges of a teenager. The teenager wants the perceived freedoms of adulthood.

As a next step, offer the person a chance to grow. Listen, reflect back, and then share your opinion in a respectful and kind manner. Try not to be defensive because grade-schoolers and teenagers can react to defensiveness. Just express yourself in a calm yet potentially passionate manner. Watch what happens. Is this person able to consider an opinion that is different from their own? If so, you are offering this person a gift, the chance to grow through the opportunity of seeing another way of thinking. If the person is not interested in seeing an alternative view, then this individual is making a small choice in the moment to remain stuck. Considering an alternative perspective in addition to our own is what helps us to mature into a deeper level of reasoning ability to deal with more complex issues.

When we run into “stuck-ness,” it is best to name what it is (immature reasoning), and not react to it. Your boundary or consequence with the individual is that you can go no deeper in the conversation or even relationship unless the person is able to acknowledge and give credence to your opinion and perspective as well as their own.

If someone is solely focused on their own perspective being the only view, then it is going to be difficult to have an open, healthy conversation where you both can learn from one another and potentially resolve a more complex issue.

What we need today is a level of cognitive and emotional reasoning ability that can hold multiple perspectives together in an integrated way. In other words, those individuals who can consider multiple truths or realities at one time will likely be more able to lead us toward finding creative solutions to today’s complex problems.

This is why and where we need the other 50% of our adult population to show up, speak up and remain engaged! The other (approximately) 50% of adults today are able to reason with logic, emotion and a level of self-control so that respectful dialogue and disagreement can take place for learning, growth and making positive change together.

As an expert in leadership, teams and organization health, the course toward making change quickly yet in a way that will stick is through respectful dialogue, disagreement, and creative problem solving. Screaming, using hate speech, degrading and abusing others, rioting, and destroying property don’t help to resolve complex problems; those behaviors only make things worse and set us back. Those behaviors reveal someone’s maturity level, at that of a grade-schooler or teenager, even though the behaviors come from people in adult bodies. See the behavior for what it is, immature reasoning.

Do adults who behave immaturely still have a voice, yes. Are these adults capable of solving today’s complex problems, no.

I am an advocate for all voices to have a chance to express themselves. At the same time, I am going to quickly assess the level of reasoning that I hear from each voice: is it grade-school or teenage or adult level reasoning? While I will listen respectfully to the first two voices, it is those with adult level reasoning that I will engage in resolving today’s complex issues.

Each of us has a choice to make in how we think/speak, who we listen to, what we act upon, and how we behave. God helps us to make wise and mature choices.

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

Friends and Colleagues,

Can I help you understand why 1 out of 2 people will reject you for having a different opinion today? Can I help you consider why those that reject you may get downright nasty about it?

It is an understatement to say that there is so much going on in the world. At the same time, not everyone has the ability to think deeply enough to be on the solution side of resolving today’s complex problems. While everyone’s voice is important, not everyone will be able to help to resolve today’s complex problems.

Here is a theory that is going to change your life and hopefully the way you relate to others. I hope this information will also support you in standing up for our American freedoms today and share your voice in a peaceful and respectful way, while not allowing others to bulldoze you:

Human development theory, according to Robert Kegan (The Evolving Self), claims this:

• Almost 50% of adults are operating from a grade-school or teenage level of reasoning ability
• Almost 50% of adults are operating from an adult level of reasoning ability

Please let me offer how this impacts the voices in America today.

Those approximately 25% of adults who are in adult bodies yet functioning within a grade-school level of reasoning and emotional maturity see things in a black and white manner. That means that situations are either this way or that way, right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative, etc. This plays out today when people use grade-school reasoning to see their opinion as right and your opinion as wrong. Either you agree or you are accused of _________. Fill in your blank with the negative term that has been used to describe you for having a different opinion. These adults are still reasoning at a grade-school level.

Adults who are still reasoning at the grade school level may have good information and be quite smart, but they have not reached a level of maturity where they can hold multiple concepts, even concepts that may be polar opposite, together. Growth at this reasoning level would be to consider multiple perspectives at one time in order to think more deeply. These individuals only have room in their minds for their own opinion and are not able to consider another view, or your opinion. So that is why you get the reaction.

Then there are the approximately 25% of adults who are in adult bodies yet functioning within a teenage level of reasoning and emotional maturity so they resist and rebel against authority or perceived authority as many teenagers do. That means that situations that require deferring to leadership, management, peers or others out of the interests of meeting the needs of the greater good will be resisted. This plays out today when people use teenage level reasoning to see all or most authority as wrong, abusive, out to get them, etc. Either you join them in the rebellion or you are accused of _________. Fill in your blank with the negative term that has been used for disagreeing with teenage level reasoning today.

Adults who are still reasoning at the teenager level may offer excellent points and be intelligent, but they have not reached a level of maturity where they can work through their strong emotions in the moment in order to reason and consider an alternative view. Their emotions keep them locked in to seeing only their side of the situation. Growth at this reasoning level would come with being able to control one’s thoughts, feelings and own will in order to engage with others in a peaceful way to learn, grow and expand one’s view. However, individuals get stuck at this reasoning level due to their lack of self-control and self-discipline.

Those of you reading this post who are parents, consider what it is like raising a grade-schooler or a teenager and think about how you can apply this understanding to half of our adult population.

This is not a judgement nor intended to look down on anyone or raise anyone over another person; this is a statement of fact. Therefore, as you consider the voices today, listen not only to what is being said but the tone of how it is being said to see if you can pick up on the maturity level of the individual.

Voice is power. All people are valuable and ought to be respected. All voices should be respectfully heard. But not all voices are reasonable and can be reasoned with. As you know grade-schoolers and teenagers have good ideas and their voices should be heard, but most of them don’t have the higher level of reasoning ability needed to collaborate to solve complex problems. Their black and white or rebellious thinking holds them back from being able to reason within a “grey” and complex world.

Let’s take a pause here. As you consider the voices around you, what level of reasoning ability are you at? What reasoning level are you seeing around you? Think about and observe this dynamic over the next week. Let’s have peaceful and respectful discussions, not one that demeans or disrespects others. Then let’s take our thinking deeper next week. Same time, same station.

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

Soul Leaders (not Sole or Solo Leaders)

By Dr. Jeanine Parolini

Deep within each loved one lives the life of His soul

Each one is precious, each one is few

Discovery of their soul is His journey for you

 

Each one has gifts, talents, and type

Each one is precious in his sight

Find their uniqueness and call it out

Help them become rather than run about

 

Where many are gathered, He is there

The soul of the group is the way of the future

But each precious one needs great nurture

 

Those that gather together have many choices

One may lead down or many may have voices

Beware great leaders how you choose

Stifle the soul and you will lose

 

Call out the souls of many, inside and out

Call out the hearts so there may be dancing about

Call out the minds so wholeness starts

Let not your workers be divided in parts

 

Teach them to dance, great leaders

Care for those that have been entrusted to you

Lead and love so they will be known

Let not your agenda be your own

 

One that follows this ancient wisdom will not do as she pleases,

Instead he will lead like our great leader Jesus.

 

Question for discussion: How does this impact the way you will lead in your future?

Contact information for speaking, training, consulting, coaching and writing:

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

Having God present means everything! With God present, I am never alone. That has a calming effect on my anxiety, fear, impatience, sadness, and loneliness. For someone who fears rejection that leads to abandonment, it means so much to have God with me and always available. God’s presence can completely change a difficult moment into an uplifting time of possibility. God turns my inner turmoil into love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control. Where else in this world, do we get to exchange our clutter for such treasure! Truly these are the most important resources in life, and they come with God’s presence.

God’s presence is also our hope! It brings hope in knowing that God is always looking out for me and I am not alone in maneuvering through this life, whatever is in my past, present and future. I have a powerful resource beyond anything I can offer because of God’s presence. His power is always available to increase my abilities, energy, influence, and impact in all my circumstances. God is available to give me what I need to push forward or to surrender when I need to. He supports me in giving over control to Him and His purposes so that I move toward Godly choices. Sometimes I need to deal with uncertainty in healthier ways or interact with an outcome in a more fruitful way. Whatever I face, God is available to enhance my resources and guide me in working it through better than I would have on my own. God’s power is part of His presence and it is available when I turn to Him for it. His presence provides the support and power to accept, push forward or pull back, and to ultimately grow to be more like Christ.

Since God is ever present, always existing and occurring, it is up to us to acknowledge Him. So He is literally available upon the asking. All we need to do is think about Him, ask Him to be with us, request Him to work in a situation or in a person’s heart, or ask Him to lead us. So thinking about God and acknowledging Him and His presence are truly underlying all of our requests. God is present with us and we mainly need to think of Him, remember Him, and ask for his support and His power. It really is that simple!

Question for discussion: How can God’s presence add value to your life right now? What is your response to this post?

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini

The deeper I go in my Christian journey of faith, the simpler and more straightforward my thinking becomes. Through a recent trial in life, I am discovering a greater significance surrounding God’s presence. I see that God is much more available and with me than I originally thought.

God is with us. He is always present in this world and in heaven above. Psalm 139:7 explains there is nowhere to get away from God’s Spirit and presence. Psalm 16:11 encourages us that His presence brings us joy along the path of life. In Matthew 28:20, God says He will be with us to the end. Hebrews 13:5 affirms God will not only never leave us but never forsake us. God is always with us and makes His presence known to us when we talk to Him.

God’s presence means that He is here, right now. Having presence is to exist, occur, be in place, even if we don’t see Him. So often, especially during hard times, we want to see, touch, and hear God. His presence is not based upon our ability to see, touch and audibly hear. Even when things are right in front of me, I can miss them. I may fail to properly deal with people or circumstances well in the moment. Or I could avoid hearing what is said. I can’t completely count on my own understanding for the presence of someone or something. Therefore, it is vital that I believe in faith in the presence of God and that He is here upon the asking so I don’t miss Him.

Dr. Jeanine Parolini, PhD, MBA, MA

Phone: 651-295-6044
Email: jparolini@gmail.com
Website: www.JeanineParolini.com
Social Media: linkedin.com/in/jeanineparolini or facebook.com/jeanine.parolini